I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
