Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
