No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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