There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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