I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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