There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
