i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
