Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
