A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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