it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
