im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
