I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
