I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
