so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize