Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
