Moan for me like Helen Keller
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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