i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
