If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
