I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
