she smelled like a LAN party
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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