If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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