I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
