when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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