ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Small penises have feelings too.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
