she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
