we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
