Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
