he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
