My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
