Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
