My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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