i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
