I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
