Duck Duck Cougar?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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