I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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