Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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