Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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