sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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