she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize