Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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