I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
