apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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