i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
