when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
