I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
