you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
