The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
