After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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