i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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