thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
