One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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