Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
