Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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