You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize