So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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