I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
