We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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