my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wish there were birth control emojis
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
