I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
