her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
