Grow some girl-balls and come out already
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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