im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
