Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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