I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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