Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
