I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
