You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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