I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
