I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sorry about my life...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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