So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
