i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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