Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
