New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
