so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
