it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
