I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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