Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
