I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
