If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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