uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Randomize
