It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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