Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
