Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
