Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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