hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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