omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
