i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Help. Why am I so naked?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
