Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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