The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
