i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I supernannyed him into submission
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