Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
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