Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
