dude i'm inner monologue high
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dignity is for republicans.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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