One girl and one boy is just not enough.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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