Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
