im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
