Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
